Hey brother, how are you?
You’ve probably answered that question more than a few times.
And I’m willing to bet you’ve used these responses:
The Default: “Doing well.”
The Satirist: “Could be worse.”
And my all-time personal fav, The Quick Redirect: “I’m good and you?”
But sometimes the context calls for it, right? We can’t be sharing personal struggles with everyone we meet.
True, but more often than not, we use responses like that to avoid telling someone how we’re REALLY doing.
Because being REAL requires vulnerability.
And vulnerability isn’t something we are naturally comfortable with because…
We are told it’s a sign of weakness
It suggests that we don’t have it all together
It can be uncomfortable
And we don’t like any of those things.
But here’s the problem: acting like everything’s fine is a surefire way of making things worse and (Spoiler Alert!) vulnerability is the key to making things better.
Why?
We are social creatures who best reach their potential in relationships where we are truly known, accepted, and supported.
When we tell others how we’re really doing, we create opportunities for growth because we can learn from their experiences and see things differently.
When we better understand our emotions (and learn how to use them), we can better understand ourselves and unlock new levels of personal clarity, direction, and motivation for our lives.
Ok, I get it, but I’m fine.
When we say we're "fine” it usually means we’ve developed unhelpful coping mechanisms or maladaptive thought patterns that just don’t serve us.
We naturally want to be better and find success, but we easily internalize the expectations that others have for us (and the sense of failure or rejection when we don’t succeed). In the end, we become our own worst critics.
We are evolutionarily hardwired to want approval and acceptance, but we often sacrifice our wants and needs to get it. In other words, we don’t implement healthy boundaries for fear of upsetting or not being approved by those around us.
We think our past hurts are resolved but it’s easy to numb the pain or disassociate from our experiences altogether. This includes everything from sleeping in and procrastination to pornography and substance abuse.
We want to get things done and feel like we’re moving towards our goals, but we struggle to focus, rarely feel motivated, or our efforts don’t produce the results we want.
And, if we’re being REALLY honest, we all appreciate support from time to time because there are a lot of challenges to becoming a good man.
If we’re lucky enough to have a good father, we’re shown what it means to be a good man.
But over 25% of us grow up without a father, and we all know that simply having one isn’t enough.
We’re told to “suck it up” and “be a man” but what does that mean, exactly? On one side we are pushed toward an image of strength, emotional control, and general dominance but, on the other side, we’re chastised for being too strong, too controlled, or too dominant.
The world needs and wants good men, but the path to becoming one isn’t exactly defined and a common belief is that men should figure it out on their own.
The bottom line: becoming a good man and building the life you want takes hard work, but it’s work that’s not meant to be done alone.
That’s why I became a coach.
I wanted to create a space where men see vulnerability as strength so they can more easily share their experiences and find understanding, support, and growth.
I also wanted to share the education and tools that have helped me so that men are better equipped to understand themselves and how to build the lives they want.
Because you CAN put an end to unhelpful patterns and you CAN change your story so that who you are and the life you lead brings you success, a personal sense of pride, and a life that is deeply satisfying.
I take a holistic approach to coaching that views your life as a story that can be perceived in different ways and edited (or completely rewritten) when needed. This approach enables you to see life differently so you can find new meaning in past hardships, new confidence for current challenges, and new hope for the future.
Specifically, I combine elements from solutions-focused coaching and traditional talk therapy.
Here’s what that means for you:
We Will Talk About Your Story. Although this may seem obvious, your story is more than just a talking point. Understanding your story is the key to growing in self-knowledge, addressing the challenges you face, and achieving your goals.
This is Not Therapy. I am focused on helping you set and achieve very specific, practical outcomes. I will ask questions and invite you to share aspects of your story with me, but these discussions are direct and purposeful.
Your Goals Are The Priority. We will discuss aspects of your story as well as personal development tools and concepts, but all of what we do will be in service of your goals.
In my own life, the more that I chose to be vulnerable, the more support I found.
And the more support I found, the more I learned how to better understand myself, better process my experiences, and better execute on the plans and dreams I had for my life.
And that’s what I’m offering you.
So let me ask you again: how are you?
The vulnerability required to truly answer that question may feel foreign.
And you may want to downplay your challenges or think you can figure it out on your own.
But the path to becoming a great man takes work, and it’s work that’s not meant to be done alone.
From elite athletes to successful entrepreneurs, people everywhere recognize the advantage of having a coach in their corner.
Maybe it's time you had that advantage too.